He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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