so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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