So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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