do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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