You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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