I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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