DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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