you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
