Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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