I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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