Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
