I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
