I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
