I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
