If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
