Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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