Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
