I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
