So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
