It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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