Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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