Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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