Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
