Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
