Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
