At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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