that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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