Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
