Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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