did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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