Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize