We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I currently don't understand fingers.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
