Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
