I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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