Where is the hickey?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My feet surprised me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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