I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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