she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
