Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
