omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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