No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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