where am i from again
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
a search helicopter?!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
