It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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