I just pynch a tree in the face
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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