I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
