how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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