Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
