Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
