Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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