oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
