Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
