apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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