I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Enjoy the penises
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
