is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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