i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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