Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
