he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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