If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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