I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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