It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
