dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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