I wanna bring you to show and tell
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
