ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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