Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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