dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
