I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
