I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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