He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dignity is for republicans.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
